


Comfort Confusion

by AlabasterMoonbeam



Series: Plus Size Sara Ryder [1]
Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Addison is a bitch, Body Image, Early Relationship, Emotional Baggage, F/M, Fluff, Missed Connections, Pre-Relationship, Seriously give me a plus size character!, Tann is an asshole, body issues, plus size
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-26
Updated: 2017-04-26
Packaged: 2018-10-24 04:14:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10733913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlabasterMoonbeam/pseuds/AlabasterMoonbeam
Summary: Next little chunk from what Comfort Level started in which Ryder and Jaal misunderstand each other, Ryder thinks she has to be an island unto herself, Jaal asks a hard question, and then everyone makes up at the end :)





	Comfort Confusion

**Author's Note:**

> You all made me want to write more! Go you! Keep it up and so will I!  
> Also, if you want to better understand I would start at Comfort Level, but you know, that's just like my opinion, man. You do you! I also have a strange idea that, instead of tinkering, Jaal really enjoyed puzzles and that was how he and Ryder bonded. Why? Cuz.

Jaal was finding that Sara was a force to be reckoned with. He accompanied her almost every time they left the ship, and he found that he was increasingly aware of her presence and movements on the Tempest. His list, which had started as more a way to determine if this “Pathfinder” was trustworthy in the least, had grown. While she rarely changed the Nomad’s paint, her armor color and design was almost always changed to fit the planet they were on. And he noticed that she talked to herself, especially when she thought she was alone. She did it so often he almost missed when she was speaking to SAM. It was during one of those moments when he was only half listening to her that he heard his name, spoken with less affection than he had hoped to hear.

“You know you have been putting this off, Pathfinder.” SAM intoned; his once robotic voice seemed to gain more human inflection daily.  
“Yes, you don’t need to remind me. It’s just that Jaal…” she answered before SAM cut in again.  
“Is part of your team and the leaders of the initiative need to meet him, formally. They are becoming insistent.”  
“Fine,” Sara huffed unhappily.

Jaal left, walking to another section of the ship, in a roundabout way to the techlab. To think! Here he was, growing fond of this...alien, and she was unhappy with his presence on her ship. It didn’t make any sense. She had stood up to Evfra with steel in her gaze, stating that he had become a valued member of her team. Even though Evfra had complained and demanded and only barely given in, Sara had stood, immobile, determined to keep Jaal on the team. She was so determined that she hadn’t even asked Jaal if he wanted to stay, coming to him later, in the techlab, to apologize, saying that he was, of course, free to leave, but that she-they-the team, wanted him to stay. That decision seemed distasteful to her now.

Sara spent most of the journey to the Nexus staring unseeingly at her closet. There wasn’t much: a long-sleeved shirt, a ¾-sleeve shirt, her leather jacket, and the hoodie she was wearing. All of it was in shades of violet, sapphire, and silver, leaving her awash in jewel tones. It was silent in her quarters with the quiet hum of voices around the ship, but she wasn’t surprised when SAM broke the silence with the announcement that they were approaching the Nexus. Standing, Sara changed into her leather jacket, wrapping a scarf around her neck and pulling at her clothes. At least everything actually fit, which was a relief. Facing Tann and Addison in ill-fitting clothes was a thought that just...couldn’t be thought. Then, over the comm, she asked if Jaal would meet her in her quarters.

She had never looked this pale, that Jaal could remember. She hadn’t blanched on Kedara when faced with Sloane Kelly. Voeld and the fierce winters hadn’t given her pause, and neither had the wet, dangerous world of Havarl. In fact, the more Jaal thought about it, the more certain he became that she never showed fear, even when she should have. As he followed her through the docks and into Operations, the vibrant woman who was Sara Ryder became diminished, caving into herself, and a grey shell was put in her place. She couldn’t even bring herself to look at him.

Walking through the Nexus with Jaal at her side, Sara wanted to throw up. She couldn’t look at Jaal, knowing that his expressive, soft eyes, so like the galaxy surrounding them, would cause her to break down. She had, over time, grown comfortable with her crew. After Jaal asked her not to hide herself from him, she slowly relaxed her fear that the crew would say something about how she didn’t fit their expectations. Cora could still send a scathing comment her way, but knowing that Jaal cared, even a little bit, made it possible to ignore some of the nastiness. Cora could keep her comments; Sara had Jaal. Well, ok, not really, but he did seem to care, and maybe even was beginning to trust her. Still, she avoided the Nexus. There was nothing that she wanted on there. Scott was, perhaps, the only exception, but duty called, and a vidcall was not going to cut it this time. No, this time both Tann and Addison made it clear that they wanted to each speak to her as well as meet the new angaran. Sara cut a side glance to the man walking at her side. Just a smile or a kind word, or even a light touch made her giddy and gave her butterflies in her stomach. But today was different. Today...well, he would understand just how undesirable she was as Pathfinder, and in connection, as a person.

They entered Tann’s office first. The salarian greeted them with his normal level of slimy politician, then focused his great eyes on Jaal. He questioned the willingness of the angara to support and assist the Initiative, the trustworthiness of Evfra and the Resistance, the desire of the angara to actually fight the kett, drawing unspoken but unsubtle conclusions that the angara were but a tool for the Initiative. Jaal was amazing, never letting Tann see how insulted he was, keeping his emotions mostly hidden. Sara was impressed and proud, but also was hurting for him. In her anxiety over the impending introductions she hadn’t warned him about Tann or Addison. Tann, however, was not long impressed with the newcomer. Soon, his gaze returned to Sara, and she braced for impact.

“We were surprised that you were so keen to take on another member to your little crew,” Tann’s condescension was thick, as if she wouldn’t be able to tell what he thought without it. He looked her up and down, before continuing, “As director I had been hoping that you would have become more,” another up and down look, “like the Pathfinder we expect you to be.” Biting her lips, Sara said nothing, hoping that Jaal was preoccupied with something else to notice her. Tann continued to express his concern that, despite his hopes, Sara was not actually Pathfinder material. Thinly veiled criticism of her abilities crowded around her before Tann was finished. She was not progressing as fast as they wanted and needed her to. She was failing at her duty. And during it all, Cora stood in the room, a captive audience to the Pathfinder’s humiliation.

Jaal was initially relieved when Tann switched his target, and as he relaxed, he saw Cora watching him with concern. He was about to go to her, to ask what was wrong when he heard Tann’s tone. Each word, no matter how innocuous, was dripping with condescension and condemnation. Every comment about Sara’s abilities as Pathfinder and member of the Initiative was, on the outside, a simple observation, but the tone and delivery were anything but. Tann’s inflection made it perfectly clear that Sara Ryder was not only an abysmal Pathfinder, but wasn’t the one they had wanted in the first place. While her accomplishments were acceptable, nothing about the Andromeda Initiative was going according to plan and, despite evidence to the contrary, it was all Sara’s fault. The unhidden looks up and down, as though her short stature and soft, round figure made her less than acceptable were not lost on Jaal. Why, he wondered, would he be so blatant, in front of two crew members, as to question the Pathfinder in such a way? Glancing at Cora, Jaal could see her expression of disbelief and concern. Jaal was aware the two women were somewhat at odds over the position of Pathfinder; however, at that moment it became clear that Cora was letting go of her anger. The compassion and worry in her expression showed her loyalty clearly to Jaal.

Tann finished his pep talk by reminding Sara that, as Pathfinder, she was the Face of the Initiative, and as such appearances mattered, and with that admonition ringing in their ears, Sara and Jaal met with Addison. Jaal had seen her in a vidcall with Sara at one point, and she had seemed kind enough, praising the establishment of an outpost. But as the pair approached, the woman’s body language toward Ryder was hostile at best. Barely sparing time to introduce herself to Jaal, Addison began a sharp, harsh criticism of the Pathfinder. Uninterested in the positive impact Ryder was having, Addison quickly established that, until Ryder had settled all of the galaxy in the name of the Initiative, including convincing the angara to allow Initiative citizens onto Aya (a demand that had Jaal flushing a deep fuschia), there was no way Ryder would be real Pathfinder. The implication was clear: prove you are valuable to the Initiative or you will be replaced. Attention claimed by something she felt more important, Addison dismissed the pair with “Oh, and Ryder? Since you are the Pathfinder, would it kill you to lose some weight?”  
Jaal’s mouth dropped open.

With the two most difficult and cruel people on the Nexus taken care of, Sara led Jaal to meet Kesh. Still reeling over the comments about appearance and weight, Sara didn’t say anything, but upon entering the Superintendent’s area, she was relieved to see Drack. His frank gaze quickly took in what had most likely occurred and he immediately cuffed Sara into a hug while Kesh asked Jaal for information regarding Number 8 and that Colonist Wretch. After explaining the meaning behind “Number 8,” Kesh fully introduced herself to Jaal, before engaging Ryder in some banter about just where Addison could stick her “helpful” advice. It was clear to Jaal that, like Drack, Kesh regarded Sara as family, each relying on the other for support and assistance. Leaving the two krogans, Sara and Jaal made their way to their final introduction: Kandros.  
Color was returning to Sara’s cheeks after speaking to Kesh and Drack, but as they approached Kandros Jaal noticed that Sara was flushed. That irked him, as he watched her eyes light up with something close to joy after the agony she had endured with Tann and Addison. Kandros, sensing the earlier troubles, gave Sara a hug, picking her up and swinging her around, a laugh escaping her as she introduced Jaal to the man. Despite the efforts made by the turian to talk military and defense with Jaal, he couldn’t bring himself to commit to the conversation. This turian, this alien, had lit up Sara’s face, and that did not sit well with Jaal. He wanted to punch the turian, to fight him, to stand between them and somehow show that Sara was his. That thought brought him up short. Jaal had never been the type to lay claim to a woman, to act as if he owned her. A stormy look descended on his features as he attempted to understand this strange impulse.

Seeing the way Jaal was looking, Sara quickly said goodbye to Kandros, suspecting that it had been too much for the angaran. As they made their way back to the Tempest, Jaal was pensive. Sara was a bit surprised, thinking that Jaal would have enjoyed talking to Kandros about all manner of military concepts and ideas. That was why she had finally felt good, after leaving Kesh: her spirits had been uplifted by the krogans and soon Jaal’s would be, too. Or so she thought. Now she wasn’t so sure. After he had seen her in the bathroom, and his email to her, Sara thought that Jaal and she might actually be growing closer. However, after hearing how dismal she was in the eyes of Tann and Addison, maybe even setting up a chat with Kandros and Drack about weapons couldn’t redeem her. Jaal left her almost as soon as they boarded the Tempest, leaving Sara to her emails and her thoughts.

Jaal threw the gun he had been tinkering with across the techlab, where it collided with the wall just as Liam was walking in. In response to his friend’s look of confusion, Jaal instead asked him a question: “How long has Kandros been in a relationship with Ryder?” Liam was silent for a few moments before finally responding with an undignified “What???” Slowly, with assistance from Vetra, Liam helped Jaal understand just why Ryder had saved Kandros for last and why Kandros had hugged her. It wasn’t because Sara was in a relationship with him, but because Vetra was. Ryder had left Vetra and Kandros as much time as possible before she interrupted their time together. And Kandros knew, just like Kesh, how hurtful and cruel Tann and Addison were to Ryder. Vetra left the two men talking, making her way to Sara’s quarters to check how the Pathfinder was doing after her visit with Tann and Addison.

Vetra found Sara staring out at space, tea in her hand, cheeks stained with the few tears she’d allowed herself to shed. It was easy for the turian to recognize that Sara had left the sugar and cream out of her tea, even before looking at the mug. Gently taking the cup from Sara’s grasp, Vetra added the missing ingredients before handing the cup back to its owner.  
“Wanna talk about it?” She asked, perching on the arm of the couch.  
“No. Just prepare to go to Prodromos.”  
Vetra stood, ruffled Sara’s hair and left. As the door was hissing shut she heard Sara stand.

She sat at her terminal, composing and recomposing a letter to Jaal. How could she tell him that he was allowed to leave, if that was what he wanted, when it was completely against what she wanted? Finally Sara began a letter she knew she would never send:  
Jaal… I want you to stay. I think you are interesting and worthwhile and great. Having you on board means more to me than I am completely comfortable with right now. But I want you to stay. If you want to go--  
*ping* Looking at her inbox, Sara saw the email from Jaal. 

Sara,  
I enjoy spending time with you and would like to get to know you better. You mentioned wanting to see me work, sometime. I am in my workshop now, if you would like to spend time together now.  
Jaal.

The hiss of the door opening never sounded so beautiful to Jaal.


End file.
